Drop down your responsibilities towards your family. You think hiding will help. Well, you always said that I don't have commonsense. Well, where's yours now?
Go on, hate me. Yeah, I'm sorry for causing you like this but you yourself have to bear with it. Everyone has a different situation to face. We cannot define what is our own painful feeling moment as I can't feel yours and neither you can't feel mine. My worst nightmare has come which is knowing you became worst. Congrats for making my nightmare came true.
Says I don't care bout why then why am I hesitate to unblock you from whatsapp? Why am I bother replying? Now all I ask for you to come back Malaysia, but you prefer hiding there taking more harmful stuff. I don't know why you could do these where as you tell me that you hate those before. Yes, I blamed myself for causing you like this. I've been dumped before too and yes, my situation is better than you. But all the pain of being dumped is the same. Being torn apart, the world has ended, trees collapsed, everything is dead and etc. I miss the guy who dumped me as well at that moment and hey, he is not feeling anything like I do now that we broke up. He don't even bother whether am I holding a scissors to cut my wrist. He don't even bother if I'm dead. But I as a friend wanted to care for you, I bother, I care. Never once I stop. Because you were once being my baby that I always taking care off and worried about. You never grown up in my life just like a kid.
I learn to handle with these pain, not live with it. Yes, I'm hurting myself too when we broke up. Like you said, stop hurting you. Since you don't feel that I care for you last time, doesn't even bother to go out with you, what's the point we stay together? I've tried to confront you, you don't even care but why till the moment we broke up? Thats the chance I've given to you. I thought you would consider about it. I'm not saying you don't care, you don't love. You're the best man I ever had in my life. I don't bother to get good compliment from my friend when I do something for you. Nah, it doesn't matter to you. Skip all these "excuses". You've said that I don't bother bout you, everything.
Says you linger around on the street, having a tough life and still moves on. You call this move on? You're killing yourself having harmful stuff inside your body which is killing you day by day and yet you called it move on? I called it staircase to heaven.
You should have acted more mature and wise than I do since you had a tough life there. You should have be able to live stronger. But all I see, you're still a kid to me. You think these little harmful stuff helpful to you?
Cut off ties with your own home country? Leaving your parent who lived so long and still working waiting for you to come back but never? The same, you never think before you act. Never listen to anybody. Don't you? Right, leave them back worrying bout you nonstop at that foreign country, more wrinkles occurred and white hair, crying at night thinking how is your life there and missing you so miserably. Waiting for you to come back with wide arms wanted to hug you.
Knowing you will hate me for the rest of your life for causing you like this, but I still have to say it. Not for making me feeling better and I know I will never feel better. I'm still blaming myself for all these. Thanks that you still cared about me. Don't worry. If I'm wrong, maybe I've think too much.
Do what the best you think it is for yourself. All I can say now I may have good life now but doesn't mean it applies all the time. Good luck and take care.
Lastly, if you read this, I hope you can turn back. There's nothing impossible unless you're dead. You're still breathing there. There's no such thing of being alive but soulless. Think for yourself. I know you can think properly. You always say that.
All the best in life. May your relationship with her blooms and better than ours. She will be better than me...
Bye.
- je m'appelle Amanda... ❤
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