So close, yet so far away...

Bleeding again...
Sorry if I have disgusted you guys.

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Even there is a single hope, 0.001% of success, I'll fight for it.
Friend or stranger(if), I'll still wait.
As long as there is no answer, I'll wait until I get the answer.
Until I'm tired, until I'm numb.
No matter what does it take....
I could not foresee what's ahead me.
I don't wanna use tarot card to figure it out.
I wanna know it by surprise.
I wouldn't force, I wouldn't ask.
I wanna see whether how long can I bear with this hanging moment.
Hanging up in the sky of nowhere answer could be found.
Even you're missing, I'm still waiting.
I'm so dumb.
I don't know why I, myself is behaving like this.
Being committed and convinced so easily...
All I believe is, you're real to me.
The dream that I had before this, I wish it came true.
I wish I get a text from you telling me "I'm here babe..." when I'm asleep.
I wish I could see you right in front of me when I'm walking down the street.
I wish I could see you smiling in front of me...
Even tho if thing doesn't work out between us, at least I know you're fine over there.
Been a lot of time I wanted to msg you, asking how are you...
But my courage always being killed by the rumor that I heard.
Even when I asked, there's always no reply.
Told myself, you'll be appear in front of me soon.
Spreading your arms for me, smiling...
Nobody is giving me any motivation.
Everyone thinks that I'm strong...
I'm not.
It depends on my heart, how strong can it hold.
So far, your words is the only motivation for me.
"i just hope you will wait and see. I won't disappoint you"
There's more, every words you typed is the motivation for me.
I'm still looking thru your photo that you send to me.
Decreased the level of missing you.
I don't wanna see your photo anymore.
I wanna see the real you.
The real physical of you standing in front of me.
But I'm afraid.
We've been not talked for a long time.
I feel like we're becoming stranger to each other, but I still have the feeling for you.
No worry, I'm not in the bad mood.
Not in the emo time.
I'm fine....
The biggest lie ever... I know... But you don't have the time to ask bout me...
Still the same, I have no time to bother bout other people than my mr.devil.
Even myself.
Silly me....
Take care, mr. devil. MGBU...
:)


- je m'appelle Amanda... ❤