Perhaps I'm nothing... I'm tired... Really tired....

I am tired of everything.
I'm tired of waking up in the middle of the night coughing hardly.
I'm sick of myself.
I hate myself.
Keep everything in my heart without sharing it.
This is what I am. Why do I keep hurting myself mentally?

Why do I have to go to help the barbecue session and end up I'm eating it as I'm trying to control my weight.
Why can't I control myself from eating?

Sorry for breaking everyone's Christmas mood.
I shouldn't drink alcohol just now.
I'm sorry....